Marti's Theories

Friday, August 04, 2006

When Obstacles Are Just Too Big



We can’t find the remote.

What that means is that, if my kid wanders away without turning off the TV, then whatever program comes up next wafts its way into my left ear while I work on my computer. Yes, I could actually get up, walk over and turn off the TV. Often I do, but sometimes it simply doesn’t occur to me. Then I end up with all of this data that entered my subconscious, almost subliminally.

Last night was one of those times.

The program following whatever a 13 year old boy would watch was a brief documentary on the Duke of Windsor and Wallis Simpson. You know, the guy who abdicated the British Throne in order to marry the woman that he loved, an American divorcee? Anyway, as is the case with semi-subliminal crap, I didn’t really pay attention at the time, but woke up thinking about it. Two things struck me:

1. How ridiculous it is for that to have been such a big deal and how much times have changed for the monarchy. Yeah, huh?

2. (And this is the point. Finally) What, exactly, would you give up for the person that you love?

Now don’t go all Starry-Eyed Idealist on me. I mean, really, be PRACTICAL with this.
Whether we like it or, outside circumstance DO affect relationships. And sometimes, they are simply too great for the relationship to survive. Running with the pop culture thing for a bit here…

Circumstances can be negative (think Brokeback Mountain and I promise I’ll never mention that movie again) or for the greater good (think Casablanca). Both are valid and a part of reality.

So this is what I think, in the form of an equation.

IF:

(Person 1's Love) + (Person 2's Love) > (Obstacles) + (Outside opinion)

THEN you have a decent chance of making it.

And like it or not, outside opposition, though not as intense as in previous generations, is alive and well. Regardless of how we feel, the opinions of friends, family, community, government, etc DO affect a relationship.

Some of the areas I can think of off the top of my head are when the two people are different in –
religion, race, political beliefs, age, generation, national origin, handicap, physical appearance or size, economic background, social standing, same gender, opinion of family, and so many more.

What I’m wondering is…

Have you ever had to deal with my equation, on a large scale? Where do you draw the line? Are there specific issues where you know you would reluctantly have to step away from (possibly) the love of your life, for these or other reasons? Don’t worry too much about being politically correct – if you are respectful and your heart is in the right place, you can answer honestly. PC comments will probably be kinda boring, anyway.

The older I get, the more of a “screw ’em” attitude I am acquiring. But to be honest, this has come about more recently that I’d like to admit. Heck it was only a few years ago that I had enough confidence to date a man shorter than me! And now, I think – what a ridiculous standard. There have been more smashed standards since then, but that's a whole other post. I digress.

I think for me the key would be having faith in the LEFT SIDE of the equation. Traditionally, I’ve had a difficult time believing the other person is as “into” a relationship as I am. But when and if I can accept that, I’m pretty sure, with the exception of how it will affect my minor son, I would grit my teeth and fight those battles.

I don’t know. It’s just theory.

btw...
Does anyone have an extra remote?

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